Life can be steady, and things can be falling into place, and yet a voice in the back of our mind whispers, “This won’t last,” or “You don’t deserve this.”
Before we know it, we start poking holes in something perfectly fine.
Psychologists call this self-sabotage, the patterns of behaviour that undermine our own well-being.
Sometimes it’s obvious, like procrastination or scrolling through Instagram with shame and guilt.
Other times, it’s subtle, like overthinking when things are going smoothly or doubting the good that comes our way.
Well, I sorta dug into it and found that there are studies that suggest this often comes from a gap between what we want and what we believe we deserve.
If deep down we carry self-doubt or fear of failure, happiness feels unsafe, so we subconsciously chip away at it.
While researching, I came across this idea called hedonic adaptation, in which humans have a natural tendency to return to a “baseline” of happiness, no matter the highs or lows we experience.
So when things are going too well, it can actually feel unfamiliar, even uncomfortable, because our minds are wired to expect a return to normal.
For some, that “normal” has always been stress, struggle, or chaos. So peace feels foreign, and instead of learning to trust it, we sabotage it.
How can we forget the role of fear while sabotaging ourselves?
If things are good, it feels like something bad must be waiting around the corner. Psychologists call this “defensive pessimism,” meaning we must at all costs protect ourselves from disappointment, well by expecting it early, sometimes even creating it ourselves.
It’s as if struggle feels safer than vulnerability, because joy asks us to let our guard down.
But happiness isn’t a prize we have to earn.
It’s not a test of worthiness or a reward that only shows up when everything is perfect.
Studies on well-being show that happiness is less about external circumstances and more about our ability to notice and accept positive emotions when they arise.
In other words, happiness is a practice, allowing ourselves to feel it without suspicion, without waiting for it to collapse.
When we sabotage our own happiness, we confuse protection with destruction.
We think we’re keeping ourselves safe, but we’re really robbing ourselves of the chance to live fully.
Life will bring challenges on its own; we don’t need to manufacture more of them just to feel comfortable, actually, anxiously comfortable.
So maybe the work isn’t in chasing happiness, but in allowing it. Letting good moments be good without dissecting them. Trusting that we can handle the future without ruining the present.
Gently reminding ourselves that we don’t need to sabotage what’s working just because we’re scared it won’t last.
I know how difficult it is to perceive happiness in such a healthy way, but we gotta try.
Happiness isn’t fragile! It just feels unfamiliar if you’ve spent too much time in struggle and survival mode. The more you practice sitting with it, the more natural it begins to feel.
And maybe that’s the real shift: moving from “I don’t deserve this” to “it’s okay to let myself have this.”
The author is a researcher in biochemistry, and her work explores innovative solutions for health and medicine. Beyond the lab, she is curious about the intricacies of the human brain and its hidden patterns that influence how people think, feel, and act.
Life can be steady, and things can be falling into place, and yet a voice in the back of our mind whispers, “This won’t last,” or “You don’t deserve this.”
Before we know it, we start poking holes in something perfectly fine.
Psychologists call this self-sabotage, the patterns of behaviour that undermine our own well-being.
Sometimes it’s obvious, like procrastination or scrolling through Instagram with shame and guilt.
Other times, it’s subtle, like overthinking when things are going smoothly or doubting the good that comes our way.
Well, I sorta dug into it and found that there are studies that suggest this often comes from a gap between what we want and what we believe we deserve.
If deep down we carry self-doubt or fear of failure, happiness feels unsafe, so we subconsciously chip away at it.
While researching, I came across this idea called hedonic adaptation, in which humans have a natural tendency to return to a “baseline” of happiness, no matter the highs or lows we experience.
So when things are going too well, it can actually feel unfamiliar, even uncomfortable, because our minds are wired to expect a return to normal.
For some, that “normal” has always been stress, struggle, or chaos. So peace feels foreign, and instead of learning to trust it, we sabotage it.
How can we forget the role of fear while sabotaging ourselves?
If things are good, it feels like something bad must be waiting around the corner. Psychologists call this “defensive pessimism,” meaning we must at all costs protect ourselves from disappointment, well by expecting it early, sometimes even creating it ourselves.
It’s as if struggle feels safer than vulnerability, because joy asks us to let our guard down.
But happiness isn’t a prize we have to earn.
It’s not a test of worthiness or a reward that only shows up when everything is perfect.
Studies on well-being show that happiness is less about external circumstances and more about our ability to notice and accept positive emotions when they arise.
In other words, happiness is a practice, allowing ourselves to feel it without suspicion, without waiting for it to collapse.
When we sabotage our own happiness, we confuse protection with destruction.
We think we’re keeping ourselves safe, but we’re really robbing ourselves of the chance to live fully.
Life will bring challenges on its own; we don’t need to manufacture more of them just to feel comfortable, actually, anxiously comfortable.
So maybe the work isn’t in chasing happiness, but in allowing it. Letting good moments be good without dissecting them. Trusting that we can handle the future without ruining the present.
Gently reminding ourselves that we don’t need to sabotage what’s working just because we’re scared it won’t last.
I know how difficult it is to perceive happiness in such a healthy way, but we gotta try.
Happiness isn’t fragile! It just feels unfamiliar if you’ve spent too much time in struggle and survival mode. The more you practice sitting with it, the more natural it begins to feel.
And maybe that’s the real shift: moving from “I don’t deserve this” to “it’s okay to let myself have this.”
The author is a researcher in biochemistry, and her work explores innovative solutions for health and medicine. Beyond the lab, she is curious about the intricacies of the human brain and its hidden patterns that influence how people think, feel, and act.