A difficult mediation case showed how family conflict can be shaped by trauma, emotional distress, relationship breakdown and the stigma surrounding mental health.
During my work as a professional social activist, I encountered a case that made me realise how complex family conflicts can get when emotional pain, relationship issues, past experiences, and mental health issues intersect.
“I got messages from a woman sending me pictures of injuries supposedly inflicted by her husband and in-laws.
When I saw those photographs, my first concern was her safety.
Before asking her about the details of what happened, I wanted to know whether she was currently in a safe place.
She told me during our conversation that she had left her marital home and gone to her parents’ house.
She cried all the time and seemed very distressed. I didn’t focus on the details of the incident right away.
I first tried to provide emotional support. I told her to take a drink of water, breathe deeply, and just let herself calm down.
I told her we could continue the conversation whenever she felt comfortable.
However, she said that she was fine and wanted to explain what had happened.
She told me that she was doing some household work when her father-in-law said something to her.
The conversation slowly turned into an argument, and the situation became more serious.
According to her, her husband became angry, physically assaulted her, forced her to leave the house, and dropped her at her mother’s home.
While sharing this experience, she told me that her husband had physically harmed her before leaving the house. She was 8 months pregnant at the time.
I asked her if this was the first time an incident like this had happened.
She said there had been many changes in her relationship and family environment in the last three months and the situation had become much more difficult during that time.
To better understand her situation, I asked her about her family background and what happened when she arrived at her parents’ home.
Her father, she said, lived away, and her brother did too. I asked if her brother was married. She said he was not married but he still does not live with them.
I asked who was living in her parents’ house now. She said it used to just be her and her mum living together.
Shortly after her marriage, a cousin came to live with her mother. She stated that her cousin’s parents had died and that she was their only child.
Since her cousin had no one else to look after her, they decided to take care of her and give her a home.
I also asked her about her finances and how they handled the household expenses.
Sometimes someone in their support system helped them financially, and sometimes her income from work contributed to the household, she said.
She shared that after marriage, she left her job and they managed through her savings.
Her husband occasionally helped out financially as well.
I listened to her side and then explained that I needed to understand her husband’s side as well.
I asked him for his contact details to speak with him. Initially, she did not want to share his details and claimed that speaking with him would not change anything.
I told her if we were going to get the whole story or look at any possible resolution, we had to hear both sides.
Without knowing the other person’s point of view, it would be impossible to work toward a just solution.
I told her she was pregnant as well and that too much stress can affect your emotional and physical health. She agreed to this after the discussion and gave her husband’s contact details.
After some time, I got in touch with her husband and introduced myself as a professional social activist working on such issues.
I said I wanted to hear the whole story from his side. He told his side and acknowledged that there were arguments between them, but he refuted that he ever physically assaulted his wife.
I asked him about the marks on her face seen in the photographs.
He said his wife had sensitive skin and she would easily get marks from the slightest contact.
I told him his wife was pregnant and needed care, support and emotional stability at this time.
He said he could not take her home because she had made an allegation against his father.
He said he had installed CCTV cameras in his house for protection because of the allegations.
He further said that she had visited his house several times after leaving the home and created clashes.
He said that she had come to his workplace too and made trouble. He added that she had also reached out to members of his family and even called his sister’s in-laws.
He said that the incidents had damaged his reputation and relationships and that there was no area left where these conflicts had not reached.
I listened to both sides. I tried to help both sides through mediation.
I wanted to de-escalate the conflict, to open up communication and to prevent it from getting worse.
But I understood that the only possible solution was that both were willing to cooperate.
Initially, both sides agreed to work toward a resolution of the matter. But the next day, another incident would happen.
Sometimes she would go to relatives’ homes; sometimes she showed up outside her husband’s office. Her husband would contact me after these incidents and say, “You advised us to resolve the matter, but now this is happening again.”
Then I spoke to the woman and asked her why she took such steps when we already talked about a plan. She would frequently get emotional and start crying during these conversations.
As the process continued, I began to realise that this was not just a marital conflict. There appeared to be more serious emotional and psychological issues that required professional assistance.
I tried to get her a counsellor at a government hospital.
I also tried to contact her gynaecologist because she was pregnant and needed the right emotional and medical support.
I could not reach her doctor directly, but her counsellor was able to work with her.
During counselling, psychological issues were diagnosed and her treatment process was initiated.
Through this process, it was discovered that some of her emotional responses were tied to unresolved childhood experiences and family trauma.
She told me that as a child, she had seen her parents always in conflict.
These experiences had given her a certain understanding of relationships and marriage.
Many people form their understanding of relationships by watching their parents.
This is how kids learn about relationships: through how their parents talk, fight, express feelings, and solve problems.
Sometimes these experiences remain with people for the rest of their lives and affect how they respond to situations in their own relationships.
Her childhood experiences seemed to play a role in her perception of conflicts and her response to difficulties in her marriage.
This case also exposed the issues of mental health awareness, particularly in areas like Kashmir, where mental health is often misunderstood and a taboo. Many people fear social judgment and are thus reluctant to admit their psychological struggles or seek professional help.
Mental health is an important part of overall well-being, but stigma often prevents people from getting the support they need.
Relationships, choices, and the capacity to handle stress can all be impacted by emotional difficulties, unresolved trauma, and psychological difficulties.
I was dealing with some personal challenges while working to solve this particular case.
I was the target of hostility despite my attempts to be neutral and see both sides.
The client, who is a woman, tried to involve my family in this and made a few false allegations against me.
I had to issue a legal notice through the court as the situation got worse. Unfortunately, the harassment continued.
She created fake social media accounts and started to post defamatory content about me.
This experience taught me that social activism is not only emotionally taxing, but can also expose professionals to personal attacks.
There are times when people expect you to take their side without question, and when you choose to stay neutral, you might find yourself being criticized or even having your reputation damaged.
Those were painful experiences, but they only made me more determined to do business ethically and fairly.
It has always been my feeling that it is my responsibility to seek the truth, to listen to all sides without prejudice and to act with honesty and integrity.
No amount of false accusations or personal attacks will deter me from serving people fairly, compassionately, and professionally.
I learnt this lesson: Every family conflict has many layers and complexities.
Safety support is needed, but violent situations also need to be addressed immediately; however, emotional history, personal experiences, family background and mental health factors also need to be understood.
As a professional social activist, I learnt that intervention is not only about solving the visible problem.
It is also about seeing the hidden fights behind what a person does, giving the right kind of support, and directing people to professional help when they need it.
Sometimes solving a conflict means looking past the incident itself to understand the experiences that influenced the people involved.
